The Embrace of Ambivalence

I feel like my soul is being slowly poured out over a rift in space that goes on into eternity.


My head is swimming in murky undefined thoughts that I can't grab onto or examine. They just cloud my vision, utter ennui.


What is this torture?

All, a Sleepy Hollow

Not even sleep will wrap its arms around me. 
Laying here, broken, bleeding, tears flow free. 
All I've ever known is crushed between your hands, 
Like my neck, as I get lighter, lighter,
Till I'm a sleepy hollow rising up to nothing, nowhere. 

I long for the sweet embrace of somnia, 
But there's no one left to hold me.
Only a memory of you, shattered to pieces, 
Lodged in the forefront of my mind like shards of glass, 
Out of reach, killing me, taunting me like eternity. 

It's what Dante couldn't dream. It's all I ever long for.

A Gaze

Unrest.

Sweeping. Rushing.

And all I knew was broken over the waves of this.

Shattered, like the glass surrounding my soul.

I see myself. Fractured. A true mirror.

All the little pieces looking back at me, making me.

And I am one. 

And I am many.

Epitaph

Such glorious youth, wasted.
Love poured forth from you,
But did it evade you?
Your passing evokes emotions, visceral, raw.


I dare not do the same, though thoughts arise.
Those close to me, I'm not ready to depart.
Our ships sail rocky seas, as of late.
They're out of sight, from drenching rains.


Alas, I love them so.
My dream is to calm our waters,
To sail together again, as before.
But I am not the one likely to expire.


It's not too late, yet.
Though time passes ever swiftly.
My own youth, I've wasted,
Playing Hide & Seek with Fate.


I must act, repair our leaking hulls.
For one knows not when life will be blown out.
These days are sullen, filled with grief,
But things as these never fail to make one think.


For Joey Braun, whose life brought joy to others.


God rest his soul.

Guilt of the Survivor

I thought of you again.
More frequent, as of late.
I've felt your eyes,
But I don't see you.


I lie down in the rain.
Get soaked by your tears.
Why do you cry?
Now you can fly...


I felt your pain.
I understood.
It hurts to not feel loved.
I've been there.


You could've told me.
Tried to hold me.
I would've listened.
I would've cared.


But, it's done now,
And I miss you.
Remember me.
Please.

If Only

Written for a man to mail his significant other while in jail for St. Valentine's Day:


If only I could stretch my hand through time,
And stop myself from acting so unwise,
I'd never have to say such sad goodbyes,
Or leave your stunning beauty for such grime.
I'd lie with you this Saint's Day, so sublime.
And lose myself within your sweet green eyes.
You're my blond angel who I'll ever prize.
To lose you, dear, would be a mortal crime.


And, so, I vow to be with you next year.
To make you smile, be your teddy bear.
I long for us to be together, free,
To kiss your luscious lips, to have you near.
Such wond'rous times and mem'ries we will share.
If only I have you and you have me.

The Outcast's Out-lash

These feral masochistic trysts I hold,
Are born of pensive loathing and disdain.
For I am always filled with dismal pain,
From living life in discord with The Fold.
I find the hearts of men jejune and cold.
Their folly is the reason for their bane,
They glorify their waste, yet I'm insane?
How dare those fools begin to be so bold!


I'll make them bleed, succumb to languor yet.
They'll cry out while they writhe in agony.
But that won't make their hearts less dim or dull.
Appeasing of my fury only met.
The true solution I have yet to see.
This quandary forever I will mull.